In one of my past professions, I interviewed many highly accomplished and successful people. I studied their lives, watched their interviews, and researched them online before meeting them. I was often curious to know- what makes these successful people happy? But the truth was far from what I expected. I found that not all successful people are happy. In fact I noticed that those who have it all – riches, fame, power, success, and fulfillment – say they are not really happy. Some of them commit suicide, some of them take drugs to forget their “emptiness”, and some of them keep on hopping from relationship to relationship just to fill that “empty” feeling. It seems to me that being successful is required for happiness but doesn't necessarily create happiness by itself.
Chasing happiness, searching for happiness, the pursuit of happiness ... are poignant metaphors of the human state. Humans are usually trying to seek in the outside world things that they find missing in themselves. The most successful 'runner' in this race looks sometimes like a lost child, looking for home.
Ask most people what would make them happy and you are likely to receive a two word answer – more money. But is it really possible to buy happiness? The answer comes from a remarkable study conducted in the 1970s by the Northwestern University. The results suggest that while people in very poor nations are not as happy as those in wealthier countries, this relationship vanishes once a country has obtained a relatively modest GNP. Studies examining the possible link between salary and happiness found the same type of pattern. When people can afford the necessities in life, an increase in income does not result in a significantly happier life.
If money cannot buy happiness, what is the best way of putting a long-term smile on your face? The bad news is that research shows that about 50 per cent of your overall sense of happiness is genetically determined. However, the best news is that the remaining 50 per cent is derived from your day to day behavior, and the way in which you think about yourself and others.
I still remember one lazy afternoon; I asked a classic question to my father to kill the boredom of the day.
I asked him “If you could have dinner with one person, living or dead, who would it be?" I expected him to name his favorite lawyer, president, movie star or scientist. Instead, he answered “My Wife”
I tried to assure him that he should not answer under any pressure as his wife was sitting next to him. He still did not change his answer, and said “I would like to have a dinner with my wife”
OK, somewhat snappy, I asked, “someone other than your wife”
“Well, I guess it would be my kids”. He replied
I was just about to explain the point of the game again when it hit me. He already understood the game, and he was not bluffing. What would make him most happy would be to have the same meal he has every day, with the woman he's been married to for the past 30 years. Now they have completed 50 years.
Of course, my juvenile mind was not able to capture the essence of his thought then. Now I understand that in essence, happiness is quite a few intangible things, things which make us think that life is worth it, so it is spending time with the people you want to be with, it’s not just living from moment to moment but actually just being in the moment and doing the things that you are passionate about.
While the things that lead to happiness are different for everyone, the state of happiness is universal — it comes from the mind. It is largely independent of the outside world. It is not an intense passion, but a tranquil state that defies time.
Amit Bhattacharjee of Dartmouth University and Cassie Mogilner of the University of Pennsylvania find that the young find happiness and self-definition through extraordinary experiences like meeting a celebrity. In contrast, older adults find happiness and self-definition through everyday experiences, like dinner with wife or kids.
What's important about Bhattacharjee and Mogilner's happiness hypothesis is that it is a psychological hypothesis rather than a cultural hypothesis. The scientists argue that with fewer days left in their lives, people start to focus on daily experiences and close-knit friendships. And that's exactly what the researchers find through a controlled experiment. When they took 20-somethings and made them feel as if their brains would stop optimally functioning at age 40 (as opposed to age 80), the 20-somethings felt like they had less time left and were more interested in everyday happiness activities. They end up acting more like older people.
In a state of happiness, we delude ourselves to believe that the state of sadness does not exist. It makes us chase the feeling of happiness even more. Absence of either state is, in my view, Nirvana where you are neither happy nor sad. So what happens in such state? We are perfectly content when we sleep. So do we attain a state where we are neither happy nor sad. Can such a state be obtained during our waking hours? I believe it is possible.
Now the question is “Is it possible to be happy all the time?”. The answer is “It is a choice we all make as individuals in each and every moment. You can choose to be happy by accepting the challenges set forth by just being human and choosing to stay in a mindset that allows you to accept every part of being human.
This Happiness Model shows how the state of happiness links to other outcomes in life, all with positive side-effects. It depicts the process and sequence of events that show a circular flow, kind of like a spiraling action.
Ultimately, the happier you are, the more clarity you have, the higher the performance you deliver, the greater your successes and the bigger your rewards. This all leads to continual, evolutionary and sustained happiness.
Being happy is a daily decision, and just like any other habit, you have got to internalize it, which requires constant commitment. So, stop chasing happiness….start living it.
Here are some scientifically proven habits that can help you to make a conscience decision to choose happiness:
Surround yourself with happy and positive people
Happiness is contagious. When we’re around positive, grateful, enthusiastic people, we absorb their special energy. What’s even better is that it makes the day spent with them more enjoyable, more rewarding, and even more productive. It’s all about good vibes and positive energy. Having close relationships is also important, and has been linked to us living longer.
Researchers of the Framingham Heart Study who investigated the spread of happiness over 20 years found that those who are surrounded by happy people “are more likely to become happy in the future.”
Carry a smile
A smile is a choice, not a miracle. It is a wonderful beautifier. But more than that, studies indicate that making an emotion-filled face carries influence over the feelings processed by the brain. Don’t wait for people to smile. Show them how. A genuine smile makes you and everyone around you feel better. The simple act of smiling sends a message to your brain that you’re happy. And when you’re happy, your body pumps out all kinds of feel-good endorphins. This reaction has been studied since the 1980’s and has been proven a number of times. Bottom line: Smiling actually makes you happier.
Count your blessings
The phenomenally successful and happy people I have met have never been anything but immensely grateful for the blessings they have. It is the first thing they think about every day. They think, “How can I take the blessings to go beyond me and make the world a better place?” Whether they have a little or a lot, they appreciate it and always take a moment to reflect on it. This keeps them grounded. This allows them to admire success in others and not be envious.
Get lost in your passion and lose track of time
When you’re immersed in an activity that is simultaneously challenging, invigorating and meaningful, you experience a joyful state called “flow.” Happy people seek this sensation of getting “caught up” or “carried away,” which diminishes self-consciousness and promotes the feelings associated with success. As explained by Pursuit-of-happiness.org, “In order for a Flow state to occur, you must see the activity as voluntary, enjoyable (intrinsically motivating), and it must require skill and be challenging (but not too challenging) with clear goals towards success.”
Spend time with friends and family
Just spending a little time with someone shows that you care, shows that they are important enough that you’ve chosen — out of all the things to do on your busy schedule — to find the time for them. And if you go beyond that, and truly connect with them, through good conversation, that says even more. Many times its our actions, not just our words, that really speak what our hearts feel.
Never take the ones you love for granted. Taking the time to connect with those you love will bring you true happiness. The more you do it, the happier you’ll be.
Be grateful and help others
Happy people choose to focus on the positive aspects of life rather than the negative. They set their minds on specific reasons to be grateful. They express it when possible. And they quickly discover there is always, always, something to be grateful for.
Show love, concern and kindness to them whenever possible. A simple hello to the person in the elevator with you can make their day. Helping that elderly lady cross the busy road is simply nice and humane. When you show kindness daily you not only make new connections, but also make your own day brighter.
Your mind is your private sanctuary where happiness resides. You can be both the creator and master of your happiness. Choice is yours !
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